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With Apologies to Mr. Geisel
2006-05-15 07:20
by Derek Smart

My Lack of Plan
A Poetic Rumination on One Fan's Frustration

That Hendry-Man!
That Hendry-Man!
I do not like
that Hendry-Man!

Do you like
my lack of plan?

I do not like it,
Hendry-Man.
I do not like
your lack of plan.

Would you like it
road or home?

I would not like it road or home
or anywhere that I could roam.
I do not like your lack of plan.
I do not like it, Hendry-Man.

Would you like some
speedy hacks?
Would you like a
lack of jacks?

I would not like some speedy hacks.
I do not like a lack of jacks.
I would not like it road or home
or anywhere that I could roam.
I do not like your lack of plan.
I do not like it, Hendry-Man.

Would you watch them
in a box?
Would you watch them
with the Sox?

Not in a box.
Not with the Sox.
No speedy hacks.
No lack of jacks.
I would not watch them road or home
or anywhere that I could roam.
I would not watch your lack of plan.
I do not like it, Hendry-Man.

Would you? Could you?
In a bar?
Drink up! Drink up,
Superstar!

I would not,
could not,
in a bar.

You may like it.
You will see.
You may like it
(for a fee)!

I would not, could not for a fee.
Not in a bar! You let me be!

I would not watch them in a box.
I would not watch them with the Sox.
I do not like your speedy hacks.
I do not like your lack of jacks.
I do not like them road or home
or anywhere that I could roam.
I do not like your lack of plan.
I do not like it, Hendry-Man.

A roof! A roof!
A roof! A roof!
Could you, would you,
on a roof?

Not on a roof! Not for a fee!
Not in a bar! Jim! Let me be!

I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, with the Sox.
I will not watch your speedy hacks.
I will not watch your lack of jacks.
I will not watch them road or home
or anywhere that I could roam.
I do not like your lack of plan.
I do not like it, Hendry-Man.

Say!
In the park?
Here in the park!
Would you, could you, in the park?

I would not, could not,
in the park.

Would you, could you,
on a goof?

I would not, could not, on a goof.
Not in the park. Not on a roof.
Not in a bar. Not for a fee.
I do not like it, Jim, you see.
No speedy hacks. Not in a box.
No lack of jacks. Not with the Sox.
I will not watch them road or home
or anywhere that I could roam!

You do not like
my lack of plan?

I do not like it,
Hendry-Man.

Could you watch our
broken arms?

I could not watch your
broken arms!

Would you watch our
barren farms?

I could not watch your broken arms.
I will not watch your barren farms.
I will not watch them on a goof.
I will not watch them on a roof.
Not in the park! Not for a fee!
Not in a bar! You let me be!
I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with the Sox.
I will not watch your speedy hacks.
I do not like your lack of jacks.
I do not like them road or home
or ANYWHERE that I could roam.

I do not like
your lack of plan!

I do not like it,
Hendry-Man.

You do not like it.
So you say.
Try it! Try it!
And you may.
Try it and you may, I say.

Jim!
If you will let me be,
I will try it.
You will see.

[Swills Blue Kool-Aid]

Say!
I like your lack of plan!
I do! I like it, Hendry-Man!
And I would watch your broken arms.
And I would watch your barren farms.

And I will watch them on a goof.
And in the park. And on a roof.
And in a bar. And for a fee.
They are so good, so good, you see!

So I will watch them in a box.
And I will watch them with the Sox.
And I will watch your speedy hacks.
And I will watch your lack of jacks.
And I will watch them road or home.
Yes! ANYWHERE that I would roam!

I do so like
your lack of plan!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Hendry-Man!

Comments
2006-05-15 08:15:42
1.   dianagramr
As those "Guinness" guys would say ...

"A Seuss-parody? Brilliant!"

2006-05-15 08:24:18
2.   bbomer
Haha, that post was more entertaining than the last 15 Cubs games combined.
2006-05-15 09:42:18
3.   Todd S
Genius, Derek.

And now, I go back to sobbing. (I heard Buster Olney this morning call on Hendry to sign Dusty Baker to an extension NOW, instead of waiting until the team goes on another hot streak.)

2006-05-15 10:11:38
4.   Sandus
You can blame Hendry all you want, but this is what everybody asked for. All I heard last year and this offseason was how having no leadoff man and no team speed was the biggest weakness. The Cubs were top to bottom a bunch of solo homers.

Well, now people are getting what they asked for. They have twice as much team speed. Corey Patterson has a higher average and OBP than both Jones and Pierre, and just one fewer homer than the two of them combined.

The pitching staff is averaging 4.3 walks per game. The team has an OBP of .301, dead last in the majors. And overall they exhibit a total lack of focus, desire, and fundamentals.

This doesn't look like a team that's driving the bus. This looks like a team that's along for the ride.

I don't know whose fault it is, but it can't all be Hendry. Sure, he's made a few terrible moves and shown a penchant for preserving the pocketbook when it comes to big name free agents. But he's also made some spectacular moves (need I remind you how he absolutely stole Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez?) and is always looking to improve the club. I'm pretty sure he's just as upset with the team as we are.

But remember, Cub fans asked for this.

2006-05-15 11:29:09
5.   onetimer
Sandus, it is true that Cubs fans wanted a leadoff hitter. The plan was Furcal (and wow does he suck this year). Pierre came at a heavy price and has been just as dismal.

Cubs fans wanted another pitcher. A healthy one, ya know. Wade Miller was the answer instead.

Still, despite those flaws, the Cubs were doing reasonably well until a week after Lee got hurt. And then the team quit.

Now, you can't say that this is what Cubs fans wanted. Sure we wanted a lead-off man, but we also wanted a real corner outfielder. The Cubs did not make a serious effort over the last two years at Drew, Beltran, Magglio, or Giles. They told everyone that Hill was off the table. Instead it was a year of Burnitz and three more of Jones.

We didn't want Rusch, Williams, Hill, Guzman, etc. We wanted a real pitcher to be there if (or when) Wood and Prior got hurt.

It didn't happen. This is what we get instead. Someone deserves blame. Seems like it should be the architect of this team (and his tired, depressed field manager). Hendry's only saving grace from the offseason has been that he tried but failed in his attempt to dump Walker. Great, huh?

The 2003 window is gone. We'll be starting over with a core of Lee, Ramirez, Murton, Cedeno, Pie, Barrett, and Zambrano. Not a terrible core, but we should have done more when we had a better chance. That window is closed.

2006-05-15 12:16:34
6.   ABC
"a core of Lee, Ramirez, Murton, Cedeno, Pie, Barrett, and Zambrano."

That's like a whole team right there. Don't we want to get better? A "core" is 3 or 4 players, not 7. that's 3/4 of the starting lineup not including the pitcher and we're supposed to expect greater offense by running 6 of the same 8 out there again?

I see no core on this team. I see no player who should not be available via trade come the offseason. I'd love to get rid of Aramis Ramirez if he were only not being paid like a superstar the next couple of years.

Do you really believe that Murton, Cedeno and Pie are going to be starting for the Chicago Cubs? No chance. Not if the Cubs want to contend anyway. Murton's inabilities against righties have been exposed and Cedeno's flaws at the plate have been as well. It's only a matter of time before Cedeno is in the .250 range as a hitter and his defense is not special...not in the least.

I still have dreams of having a catcher who can hit and catch, but admit those likes are few and far between and in their absence, Barrett is probably the best choice so i'm just fine with that, but he certainly wouldn't be off the table. Neither would Lee. Neither would Zambrano. I'd trade any player on this team.

2006-05-15 12:57:53
7.   bbomer
"Neither would Lee."

Why exactly would you allow Lee to be traded? Certainly you don't expect to get at better bat or better defense in return. What would you get? I can only see this being legit if you get multiple (like 3 or so) solid players for one Lee.

2006-05-15 14:29:53
8.   onetimer
Cedeno and Murton have been been pretty damn good so far all things considered. It would be nice if Murton showed more power (which he did last year) and if Cedeno could hit lefties (huh?). Ramirez inconsistency is annoying, but he's not going anywhere. The Cubs didn't sign Lee to trade him (and I'd argue that Lee's injury, besides taking out the Cubs best bat, has hurt the Cubs in the leadership department).

I know stat-heads hate talk about leadership, but the Cubs are in a major, major funk, playing stupid baseball along with bad baseball. Having a respected and liked player like Lee is important not just for his bat but for intangible reasons as well. Maybe it wouldn't be as important if the Cubs had a manager who could, you know, manage.

So, I'd stick with my "core" of seven players.

2006-05-15 15:38:55
9.   operablogger
My wife, a lifelong Cubs fan who grew up in Wilmette, continues to beat this particular drum, and I'm finding it harder and harder to disagree with her logic. With sold-out home games PLUS the team acting as its own ticket scalper (despicable, methinks), plus TV revenue, plus rooftop revenue, what financial incentive exists for ownership to spend big payroll money on better players? Even if they become the NL version of the Royals or, God forbid, the Devil-Worshippers - errr, Rays - they'll still haul in the large-sized ticket money. Sorry, but I'm just feeling cynical today, and it's SUCH a lovely day in Denver, too.
2006-05-15 16:23:48
10.   ABC
The "core" of 7 players is essentially fielding the same exact team in 2007 as they have now. 6 returning position players and one of the two new ones is Felix Pie. Who is going to be the other guy? If it's not Babe Ruth, the Cubs offense is going to suck.

Are you going to get a leadoff hitter? Or put Pie there? Either way, not enough offense. Not even close. They'd score 700 runs over the course of the season if they were lucky.

Murton's and Cedeno's peripherals are not very good. Murton's slugging below .400 as a leftfielder. Cedeno has been coming back to earth since the first week of the season. What i've seen of these 2 i'm none too impressed with either of their offensive abilities. Certainly not enough to call them the "core" of the 2007 team.

And whether we like it or not, Jack Jones is going to be a Cub. Hendry is most likely very happy with his production as it's above where it's been the last couple years and he signed this guy to a 3-year deal based on his production over the last couple of seasons.

So our returning position players are: Barrett, Lee, 2nd baseman?, Cedeno, Ramirez, Murton, Pie, Jones.

I don't have the answers, but I sure hope Jim Hendry considers trading at least one or two of those offensive players you've included in your "core" or 2007 just might be worse than 2006.

2006-05-15 22:02:06
11.   maynard8
Very clever.
2006-05-16 08:41:33
12.   onetimer
Actually, it's not 7 returning players from the dismal team. Lee's not on the dismal team. Pie's not on the dismal team.

If you want to trade Ramirez, whatever. But Murton and Cedeno have been impressive as young players. We'll just disagree on that, I guess.

2006-05-16 13:52:50
13.   Mike J
Sounds like someone's read Fox n' Socks to their daughter one too many times.

Believe me, I'm in the same boat as you with my twins.

2006-05-16 20:50:20
14.   ABC
onetimer,

Granted, Pie is going to be better than Pierre has been, but he's currently hitting .270 at AAA Iowa with 20 some strikeouts. A .250 average from him with 120 or less K's and 30 walks with 10 home runs and 20 stolen bases would be a fantastic freshman season from Felix Pie. And those kinds of numbers may be out of reach next season.

Cedeno has been much less impressive than most people think. He's got a .307 OBP prior to tonight's game and has managed less than 5 walks in 35 games while striking out 25 times.

Cedeno's EQA is .240. He's now made 8 errors in the field accounting for 1/3 of all the Cubs errors. He's 3 runs below average (BRAR) offensively and only 1 run above a replacement player. He has a 3.3 VORP.

He's hitting .114/.162/.114 against lefties and he's hitting just .259/.259/.296 in May. He's driven in 9 runs and scored only 11.

And his numbers are sliding significantly as the league learns more about his weaknesses.

Murton's been even less impressive. He has a 2.1 VORP. Murton's EQA is .261 and he has a BRAR of 4.

He's not very good defensively and lacks a strong throwing arm.

He has 2 home runs. He's awful against right-handed pitchers and has platoon written all over him.

Where's the outfield power going to come from with an OF of Murton, Pie, and Jones? For the 3rd straight year we'd have almost no power in the outfield. We'd be lucky to get 40 home runs from out outfielders.

If the idea is to win in 2007 then changes must be made. If the idea is to allow Murton, Cedeno and Felix Pie time to grow at the ML level with the hopes of contending in 2009 or so then i'm all in favor of it, but we may as well start trading some of our more valuable players for prospects if that's the case.

So it's really a matter of whether or not the Cubs want to be contenders. If they go with the guys you're talking about then we know it's a rebuilding year because there's just no possibility a team like that is going to contend unless the pitchers have other worldly seasons. And I just don't see that happening.

I certainly respect your opinion and I, too, have been impressed with various aspects of Murton and Cedeno's game, but their overall play has not been that impressive.

I've been impressed with Cedeno's ability to hit the ball to RF when just trying to make contact. I've not been impressed with his range as some have. Watch a guy like Furcal or Everett go after a ball in the hole and compare that to Cedeno and it's night and day. I've been impressed with his strong arm, but unimpressed with his erratic throws, which do not seem to follow any pattern (some are in the dirt and some are press box high). I've actually been impressed with his ability to handle a right handed pitcher, but cringe when I watch him take swings against a lefty. I've been impressed with his ability to scoot down the line, but he looks awful on the basepaths. Not Jack Jones bad, but not at all good. I've been impressed with his ability to get a bunt down most every time he's been called upon to do it. I've also been impressed with the way he can drive the ball into the gaps.

Sure, there does appear to be some promise for the young kid, but he's got a bunch of hoops to get through if he's going to be an effective ML ballplayer.

I've been impressed with Murton's eye at the plate. I've been impressed with his opposite field hitting capabilities. The guy can flat out crush lefties. Other than that though, he's been disappointing in my opinion. You can't have no power in the outfield.

If we aren't going to get 50+ home runs from our RF and CF then Murton should not be in the lineup against right-handed pitchers.

I think he's the red-headed version of Craig Wilson. The Cubs, in my opinion, should consider moving Murton to 1st base while Lee is out so he can be more of a supersub-like guy and then platoon him with jack jones in LF as well.

2006-05-17 10:55:10
15.   onetimer
Fair enough alphabetman, but I would say that you can't ignore what Murton and Cedeno did last year. Murton hit EVERYWHERE last year, for power, average, obp, etc. I have man-love for young red, so I'm biased.

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