Ted Lilly brushed History's cheek yesterday.  He'd always had a crush on her and hoped, this one time, she'd finally reciprocate, but the moment was awkward, the timing somehow wrong, and she said,

"Oh, Ted...I'm very flattered.  You're such a great guy.  I mean, you always carry my books, and you walk me home, and you listen to me complain about how people make fun of me repeating myself, and you always carry my books, and whenever some football player is trying to make a pass at me, you give him that look...[shivers]...and they...never...bother me again.  Sometimes they just disappear altogether........ 

But, you see, we just don't have that...chemistry...you know?  I mean, you're a great guy, and a great friend...I hope we can stay friends, you know?...and any girl would be lucky to have you....I'm just not that girl, Ted."

So, Ted settled for one awkward moment and the Astro's heads in his freezer, the end.

*****

There's a chance, now, for the Cubs to finish this thing off in dramatic, emphatic fashion, and today's contest is the one that will set the tone - not just because you can't sweep a series without winning the first game, but also because it's "CC Day".

I think you'll see one of two things tonight:

1) The Brewers, after having been swept in Philiadelphia, falling into a tie for the NL Wildcard, watching their division rivals celebrate a no-hitter in their stadium, and seeing their manager get fired yesterday, will come out like desperate, wounded tigers and give the Cubs all, or more, than they can handle.

2) The Brewers, with all the preamble in point #1, will whither and die a sad, pitiful death.

Either way, this series could, and should, be the beginning of the end to the division race, and if the Cubs come out tonight and get the job done, I think Thursday will be cork-popping day at Wrigley.