Baseball Toaster Cub Town
Forty Men
2005-04-07 13:55
by Alex Ciepley

It's like those guys you have the great second date with and then never hear from again. I pretend they died.
- Miranda Hobbes

I've been working through my own sort of 40-man roster of late, filling my time with the relationship equivalents of the job interview: first meetings, awkward phone calls, email rejections.

The Cubs, fortunately, are primed to have a lot more success with their chosen 40.

With David Kelton having been outrighted off the 40-man in favor of Chad Fox, the roster is set for the near future. Scott Williamson--if and when he returns this year--would require the Cubs to do some shuffling.

A list of the 40-man (and 25-man active roster) can be found on the right-hand side, at the bottom of the page. I also added a side dish of notable minor leaguers. I'll try to keep it updated, but please drop an email or an anvil on my head if you see a mistake too dastardly or out-of-date.

Hmmm... dating and the Cubs' roster. What manner of courters can be found in the Cubbie dugout?

The Capricious Spouse: Aramis Ramirez. Will he stay or will he go? Should we buy together, or does this flame burn brightly but quickly? Please whisper sweet nothings in my ear, not this talk of termination.

The Fling: Nomar Garciaparra. You aren't thinking about next year. You're thinking about tonight.

The Great Love: Greg Maddux. It took Harry and Sally about fifty years to resolve their love-hate relationship--or was that just how long the movie felt? At any rate, by that measure, the Cubs and Maddux have done quite well in patching things up.

Your Friend's Sister: Henry Blanco. Speaking of Maddux... is there any other reason you agree to share an ice cream cone with this lump a nuthin'?

The Con Man: Ryan Dempster. He doesn't actually want to date you at all. Is he after your money? Or does he plan to steal defeat from the jaws of victory in other ways?

The Tease: Mark Prior. You keep toying with my heart. When will you break things off with Miss Injury and settle down with me?

The One Night Stand: Kyle Farnsworth. Wham, bam... see ya in Detroit.

Blind Date: Kerry Wood. Who's gonna show up tonight? The blond bombshell with the supersized Ks, or the stinker whose stuff is nasty... but not in a good way?

The Hate F***: Carlos Zambrano. I'm hot, I'm bothered, and I need to throw some heat.

The Ex: Sammy Sosa. And you played the fool how long?

Beer Goggles: Jeromy Burnitz. He sure looked good when I saw him in Denver...

2005-04-07 15:01:13
1.   Rich Lederer
2005-04-07 18:00:45
2.   Jordan
Slightly off topic (good post Alex!)...

Watching the Orioles Athletics game...

Sosa just doubled...

Haren looks really good though. Man, glad we don't have to face him...

2005-04-07 22:31:44
3.   Bleeding Blue
Great artical, particularly liked the Beer Goggles comparison.

My only complaint is that I don't think you can put Kerosene Kyle on the list, at least not as a one night stand (he did play with the Cubs for 6 years).

I nominate David Kelton for "one night stand." He had a nice spring (training) of passion, but it was really nothing more.

Some other suggestions:

The Leech: Neifi Perez- It was just supposed to last just one month, but now he just won't go away. (stealing pinch hit at bats from much more attractive prospects)

The Ex, with benefits: Ben Grieve

And my personal favorite:

Dateless and Desparate: Jose Macias, for best impersonation of a blow-up doll.

2005-04-08 03:48:13
4.   10man
Nice one, Alex.
I think Burnitz though should be "Dating on the Rebound". We just broke up w/ Sosa so we went out with the first thing that moved.
2005-04-08 07:49:57
5.   nate
"With David Kelton having been outrighted off the 40-man in favor of Chad Fox, the roster is set for the near future. Scott Williamson--if and when he returns this year--would require the Cubs to do some shuffling."

Carlos Vasquez was supposedly outrighted back in early March, when he was sent to AA. Most sites that list the 40-man - including - still have him on the roster, but if you google "carlos vasquez" and "outrighted" you do find mention of him being outrighted on a few sites. If it's true, then the roster is at 39 + Williamson on the 60-day, so maybe they're leaving a spot open for when he comes off the DL.

Hilarious post, btw

2005-04-08 11:03:37
6.   kjk
Great analogies. Corey is the May part of the May-September relationship. The one who thinks he/she has the experience and maturity, but really doesn't.
2005-04-10 21:09:54
7.   Scott Long
Great stuff, Alex.

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