Some Spring Training-style hyperbolic poetry, with many apologies and deep bows of obeisance to the all-powerful Score Bard.

Limericks

The good arms of all the Cub starters
Will attack their opponents like Tartars.
But if they all go down
To Injury Town,
Then the mighty will merely be martyrs.

Maddux, Zambrano, and Prior
Make opposing team’s chances look dire.
But while those gents are fine
Setting down one through nine,
Just imagine if Woody caught fire!

Cub shortstops in last year’s fell era
Were so bad, it was too much to bear-a
But there’s end to the shame
As the fans did exclaim,
“A full season of Garciaparra!”

Haiku

Birds duck and swerve from
Balls flying over fences.
Round the bases, men.

Like belles with their fans
On a hot, wet Southern night
Wave, wave, wave and sit.

I was working on a sonnet, but these are terrible enough without me doing my worst Shaky Pierre mimicry. I bet you folks can do better. Go on, I dare you, knock this battery off my shoulder!