Baseball Toaster Cub Town
Ghost Of Achilles Vows To Haunt Cubs Once Again
2007-02-01 20:00
by Phil Bencomo

HADES, Greece – The ghost of the ancient Greek hero Achilles rose from the Underworld today upon learning of the Chicago Cubs' signing of outfielder Cliff Floyd and vowed to once again haunt the team.

Achilles, still bitter about his infamous death and hoping to quell his shame, first struck the Cubs during spring training in 2004 when he hobbled pitcher Mark Prior, and warrior promised to return to Mesa on the third anniversary of the Prior attack.

"Prior was my first victim in a long time," Achilles said in a rare interview. "It was hard to find someone noteworthy, yet still easy to cripple."

When asked why he is again targeting the Cubs, Achilles responded, "I am thousands of years old, you know, and I take what I can get. From what I hear, the Cubs and that Floyd guy should make my job pretty easy."

And with over $300 million spent this winter, the Cubs will be the object of intense media scrutiny, Achilles said, making it easy for him to make his presence felt. "And besides," he added, "unwarranted and self-fulfilling malice is just so fun."

Should Prior return to 2003 form, he will be the first to ever fully recover from an Achilles attack, a distinction Achilles said would not be earned easily. "They said I was the best while I was alive, and I'm going to be the best when I'm dead, too. Nobody beats me."

2007-02-02 20:13:05
1.   ad7062
I don't know . . . . we're to think that Achilles seeks to avenge his death by making rich ballplayers suffer from tendonitis? Yikes! What other sorts of murderous rage is Achilles going to wreak next? Athletes foot? Ingrown toenail? Weak trope, Phil Bencomo. And if you think Achilles tendonitis was Prior's problem, well, there ain't much hope for you.
2007-02-03 14:11:52
2.   Phil Bencomo
This was a response to the Cliff Floyd signing, which I was asked to comment on in a comment by a reader. Floyd has struggled with Achilles tendon injuries, and given Prior's previous incident, I thought it would make for a fun post.
2007-02-03 21:16:26
3.   ad7062
Sorry, Phil--I must have been in a bad mood when I wrote the comment. I like the Floyd signing, Achilles tendon notwithstanding (no pun intended). I'm an optimist: this will be a Dawson-like good gamble, with Floyd playing through his physical problems to help the Cubs if not Murton. I wonder what Floyd the Barber would have to sign about the signing?
2007-02-04 08:40:46
4.   Phil Bencomo
Don't worry about it.

I happen to like the deal, too. Low risk, high reward signings are always acceptable in my book.

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