At the beginning of the season, whenever there was a day game during the week I'd declare a media blackout in the immediate vicinity of my pod on the farm - where my blood and toil and half-imagined fever-dreams act as one little Ray-O-Vac in the battery casing of the beast. The idea being that I was going to watch the TVo'd version once the munchkin retired and I didn't want anything ruined. I am utterly incapable of watching an entire game when I'm already privy to the outcome.

However, this tendency has waned over the early months of the season, due in no small part to multiple instances of investing large quantities of time, attention, and emotion in three hours of struggle (okay, more like two when the fast-forward really gets to crankin'), only to witness acre upon acre of blown opportunity mount up until the weight of all the unrealized expectation crushes the team, and me, like so much bubble-wrap under foot.

One can only take that for so long before one allows Gameday to turn the searing pain into a dull throb, preventing later over-investment in a profoundly disappointing product by rendering the passion through smog and gauze, rather than its customary 1080i.

*****

There's this guy at work that I have daily exchanges with. They are only about the Cubs, five minutes a pop, then on we go. He actually seeks me out for these little talks. Although sometimes I'll reciprocate, because I enjoy the chatter, I generally don't need to as he'll beat me to it.

All year, I've been telling him that this team sucks. I don't know that I really believe that - sure, they're mediocre, but 'suck' is likely too strong a word - but he has a tendency to get excited when things go well, so my nature is to help bring some balance to the picture. I'd hate for him to get all jacked up only to have reality set in come July or August, so I try to temper expectations. Shorten the distance of his eventual fall, if you will. I do it to myself all the time, so why not spread the cynicism?

He was starting to get very excited with the recent solid play and all, and particularly with Tuesday's show of gumption, so I felt the need to point out on Thursday that the six games that were won had been captured against competition that - how to be diplomatic here - wasn't of a quality appropriate for celebration. As this conversation took place around 3 pm, I informed him that he should enjoy himself for the next 22 hours, since once that period of respite ended, things were likely to get ugly.

*****

I see my friend in the cafeteria the next day. It is about 1:03. I tell him he has 17 minutes of happiness left. His look gives me the bird. I smile. He smiles. It's our routine.

*****

I get back to my desk and get distracted by a project - the beast is always hungry - and forget about the game. The thought of it pops into my head just in time for me to see that the Brewers have put up a five-spot, forcing Rich Hill to throw 40+ pitches. I also get to see Derrek Lee make an out on the first pitch he sees, ending the team's offensive half of the first having seen all of seven balls hurled in anger. I seek out my friend to see if his watch is working. He is not at his desk.

*****

I notice later that Billy Petrick seems to be throwing well. I always like to see the youngins succeed, so it makes it easier to ponder how those two runs in the fourth aren't going to cover it. Another friend IMs that there's plenty of time left. I scoff. I work. I scoff some more.

*****

I'm liking Carlos Marmol more and more these days. He's not a starter - I just don't see him getting that third pitch - but being in the bullpen really lets him go all out when he's on the hill, and his stuff is just ridiculous. Not like Z's was the other day - the first three innings of his game against the White Sox might have been the most dominant frames I've ever seen. I'm still nursing bruises on my chin from the involuntary tumbling of my jaw - but he's still an incredible asset in relief.

It seems nice to me that they got that third run. Makes it look close. I think, "Too bad Cordero's coming up soon, though. He'll just own 'em."

*****

Bottom of the ninth, and I notice that there are men on first and third with one out and Lee coming up. I have to leave for a minute to deal with something. I figure it'll save me some small pangs of regret. I'm a little thankful.

*****

I quite literally return as Gameday flashes 'Home Run' above the photos of Cabrera and Aramis Ramirez. Can't believe it. No matter what happens the rest of the weekend, I know I'll catch hell on Monday. I welcome it. This is a good way to be wrong.

*****

Even though I know I'm not going to watch, I still record these games. It's for rare moments like these, when I'll want to come home, pour a drink, and watch a five minute sequence ten, fifteen, twenty times over with a ridiculous grin on my face. That's fun at the old ballpark, kids.